tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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