I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
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If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
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All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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