God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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