i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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