just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
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Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize