The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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