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so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She needs sedatives and a leash
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
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