he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
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I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
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It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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