In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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