So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
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Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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