my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
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he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
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I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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