update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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