dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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