you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize