I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
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Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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