It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize