...so i touched it.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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