mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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