I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
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There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize