why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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