I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
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Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
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this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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