I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
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