It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
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Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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