I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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