Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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