I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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