I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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