So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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