i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
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While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
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When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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