oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize