I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize