I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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