I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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