i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
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she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
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I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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