I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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