You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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