She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
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you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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