He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
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Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
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I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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