shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
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its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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