dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
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I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
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i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I need water and some morals
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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