Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
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If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
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Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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