I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
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My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
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Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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