that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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