matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize