Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
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Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
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You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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