Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I got inside last night via doggy door
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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