dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
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i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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