is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
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I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
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Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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