I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
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Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
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Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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