She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize